and just like that

it sometimes takes years to change ones life

for better or for worse.

but sometimes, change happens

in a moment

when a wall falls on a loved one,

when a floating guitar was this close,

when a friend is knee-deep in mud.

i know i wished you some pain.

forgive me but it wasn't this type.

many many things will be said

about the storm, the response, the future.

may they go beyond words.

i wish you some pain

there's a scene right in the middle of spring awakening
where she asks him to beat her

and beat her hard.
and some members of the audience earlier
and some members of the audience last night
giggle.

not as hard. but they giggle.
and i find that hard to understand.

but it's okay, this is not about that.
this is about wishing for some pain.
and how i am so sure that i can totally relate to that.

i wished for some pain, once.
i once leapt knowing i would fall flat on my face.
i once disobeyed. no, twice or thrice. no, more.
and i did get what i wished for.
even if i knew i had to be careful what i wish for.

and it hurt. so why-did-i-wish-for-this-again bad. like
"that moment you know when you're fucked,
not an inch more room to self-destruct"

and it hurt some more.
but sometime between then and now
it felt good.

not just to know. but also to feel. and it's so hard to explain
so i suggest you watch the show (link here).

for the mean time, i giggle.

'Totally like whatever, you know?'

damn, you have to watch him perform it

then read the text over and over so you can translate it

to filipino, to bisaya, to whatever

so we can spread it. ang ganda!

Totally like whatever, you know?
By Taylor Mali
www.taylormali.com

In case you hadn't noticed,
it has somehow become uncool
to sound like you know what you're talking about?
Or believe strongly in what you're saying?
Invisible question marks and parenthetical (you know?)'s
have been attaching themselves to the ends of our sentences?
Even when those sentences aren't, like, questions? You know?

Declarative sentences - so-called
because they used to, like, DECLARE things to be true
as opposed to other things which were, like, not -
have been infected by a totally hip
and tragically cool interrogative tone? You know?
Like, don't think I'm uncool just because I've noticed this;
this is just like the word on the street, you know?
It's like what I've heard?
I have nothing personally invested in my own opinions, okay?
I'm just inviting you to join me in my uncertainty?

What has happened to our conviction?
Where are the limbs out on which we once walked?
Have they been, like, chopped down
with the rest of the rain forest?
Or do we have, like, nothing to say?
Has society become so, like, totally . . .
I mean absolutely . . . You know?
That we've just gotten to the point where it's just, like . . .
whatever!

And so actually our disarticulation . . . ness
is just a clever sort of . . . thing
to disguise the fact that we've become
the most aggressively inarticulate generation
to come along since . . .
you know, a long, long time ago!

I entreat you, I implore you, I exhort you,
I challenge you: To speak with conviction.
To say what you believe in a manner that bespeaks
the determination with which you believe it.
Because contrary to the wisdom of the bumper sticker,
it is not enough these days to simply QUESTION AUTHORITY.
You have to speak with it, too.