Lots of letting go

letting go is something i constantly have to re-learn each day.
it's hard. seriously

so is overcoming summer's intense heat.
i actually felt old today. and doubted what i really wanted in the medium term

and it does help [though it seemingly doesn't] that i'm preoccupied with a whole lot of other things.
from a super urgent national issue to a well-written Filipino play
from a class of seventeen eleven-year olds eager to learn reading to organizations in financial disarray
from constantly realigning what you're actually doing with what you really want to deserving local government units that need help
from Bamboo's Truth to Powter's Bad Day

life is a good lot.

lisnin to truth by bamboo. beautiful
i've played the fool thinking i can catch you off guard...
...what can i do to get through to you
tired of singin' to myself
i need a lesson i need a blessing
the shoe fits, all we need is a little glue
sortof readin flawless consulting by peter block. profoundly simple
feelin kinda exhausted but excited

perhaps because one voice is loud enough, keepReminding:

do i have to memorize that?

kailangan pa bang i-memorize yan?

is the oft-played line of a radio station that drivers of cabs in metro manila often listen to.

the cab driver on my way back from rehearsals was one of them. and from edsa all the way to the condo, we were behind this bmw who took considerable time overcoming road humps.

it's a freaking old model, irked the cab driver. and every time he'd say that, in tagalog, i see a very good example of that kind of selfishness we all ought to be more conscious of.

to the cab driver trying to send me to my place as soon as he can, this bmw driver was wasting his time. to the bmw driver trying to protect his bmw's low rear, it was all worth the time. to the cab rider trying to reach home before midnight, me, it was a good illustration of how selfish we are, more than we'll ever admit.

and to me, it is a problem because as we promote policies or condemn other people or ask people to donate or think of a goal or ask people to go beyond oneself, we tend to forget this not-always-bad, can-be-good-too-you-know notion of selfishness.

i ask ourselves to consciously think of this notion and memorize it.
memorizing, after all, is not just mechanical routine or rote. i think real memorizing entails functional understanding of anything we ought to memorize.

and, as my subtext experience proves it, this notion of can-be-good-too-you-know memorizing allows one to freely explore more than what's necessary because real memorizing assures you of constantly keeping in mind the bare essentials.

and yes, i have to memorize that.

lisnin to local news with creepy i-want-to-scream-at-you-even-if-your-face-is-this-close-to-me reporters.
sortof readin imagination in history.
feelin kinda stupid and helpless. hehe. but no, seriously. and i better keep it to myself for now. shallow and trivial stuff really. stuff you wouldn't want memorized

even ifs

that cab ride was just what i needed.
because the cab driver and i had a great conversation
about everyone being better off taking cabs and about him better off driving one.

a lot like that good siomai from chowking between subtext rehearsals this evening.
a lot like because both are real simple but have totally outweighed the many worrisome moments of today making today a good day despite, even if, notwithstanding...

you see on my way to school while running late for a never-been-tardy-or-absent sir dave, i was all ready for a public reprimand by me to me [for me?].

i slept at 7am, woke up at 830 for my 9am history class.
had class 'til 12
failed at my first attempt at asking sir dumlao on my dreams of pursuing game theory at 12
had a meeting with junior jg-som course representatives at 1
had a surprise getting-to-know-you session with HOPE gradeschoolers at 2
had a strains product team meeting where i discussed my report on lowney's heroic leadership at 3
had an insightful discussion on blueREP finance with jq at 4
failed at today's sole attempt at taking a nap while trying to listen to the sanggu jgsom school board discuss their code of internal procedures and our views on jta people at 5
had subtext rehearsals which i badly needed at 6
had siomai at 8
had to stay 'til 1030pm for important notes

had enough? not quite.
'cause im actually ready to view parts of rent and its special features on dvd. thanks raissa

it's close to midnight and for the past 24 hours i only had one and a half hours of sleep and let's just say i had very justifiable [if not fun and amusing] reasons to stay up 'til 7am,

i still deserve that public reprimand. today was the day when i displayed almost total lack of self-discipline. stupid? maybe. fun? yes. spreading myself too thin? not quite.

at least not yet 'cause i still am ready and excited for tomorrow's set of events.
God has been good despite the many even ifs

lisnin to Rent's deleted scenes. not the best movie but worth listening to nonetheless
sortof readin history165 notes for easy sorting
feelin kinda blessed. and a bit tired.

you're a Good man?

three in the morning:

if i start writing now
when i'm not really rested
it could upset my thinking
which is no good at all.
i'll get a fresh start tomorrow
and it's not due till wednesday
so i'll have all of tuesday
unless something should happen.
why does this always happen,
i should be outside playing
getting fresh air and sunshine,
i work best under pressure,
and there'll be lots of pressure
if i wait till tomorrow
i should start writing now.
but if i start writing now
when i'm not really rested
it could upset my thinking

which is no good at all.
-Charlie Brown on The Book Report, a song from You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown the broadway musical.

opened 1967 and revived in 1999 but already articulates very well a lot of true things.
scary.

doubt and faith and doubt and faith and moving on.

chocolate and Beer

it still is surprising meeting new people.
what's more surprising? knowing new things from old people
what's more more surprising? creating new links with old things from old people

like chocolate and beer. right rj?

right. and i share something from ayn rand's introduction to the fountainhead's 25th anniversary edition:

...the best of mankind's youth start out in life [with a view].
It is not even a view, for most of them, but a foggy, groping, undefined sense made of raw pain and incommunicable happiness. It is a sense of enormous expectation, the sense that one's life is important, that great achievements are within one's capacity, and that great things lie ahead.

sums up this day very well. happy? totally. painful? at times. great? great.
hers is a very scary philosophy but one which we can all learn something from.

those italicized are real scary too. i mean for someone to articulate what you think and feel and believe in today 38 years ago can be real scary. at least for me

it's like that other fear of mine where i might be just rationalizing things too much.
i can never fully know. or at least fully tell

lisnin to Beethoven Day from You're a Good Man, Charlie Brown
sortof readin How to Run A Theater, thanks laura. must finish bluerep's financial statements
feelin kinda interested of so many stuff

it's about timing

the new receptionist downstairs is nice. a lot more courteous

another greeting when i got home was a live coverage of china's hu jintao in washington shaking hands with bush while a sole lady protester was trying to interrupt his speech.

this after a long but timely, at times funny, discussion of the present "people's" initiative for charter change with fr. bernas with mr. monsod, mr. abad and many other people within and outside the ateneo community at the ateneo law school in rockwell. plus a meeting for what could be a concrete way to really do something about this whole fiasco [i mean we did trust her at some point, right? but we all failed ourselves]

these after a surprisingly loaded first day for summer class. sir dave seems real good with history and sir dumlao seems real good with economics. i do hope i won't have a hard time.

plus an early trip to the library with a book on writing academic papers and another entitled why not? accidental finds are interesting reads.

lisnin to sinnead o'connor
sortof readin The World Is Flat, an updated Lexus and the Olive tree by Thomas Friedman. thanks luis.
[sure is good to note how the the rest of the world's driving their lexuses while we're still fixing our olive tree]
feelin kinda happy. about today about the supreme court about people who care about comic timing

being a bachelor

bachelor parties are always interesting.
no matter how unplanned.

and i seriously thought classes will start on monday.
no karl, they start tomorrow.

here's to my busiest summer yet: do Great!

meanwhile, keepReminding:









that's my favorite so far:
one is never two
one is never too much or too little or too anything
one as in the number
or one as in reference to one's self

i think it's a good reminder U2's One:
We're one but we're not the same

so we got to carry each other you guys. even to the cha cha

lisnin to some forgotten band called Light Melon. party background
sortof readin Lowney's Heroic Leadership. the title seriously freaks me out but i got to do my homework
feelin kinda sober

good old and fashioned

malaysian cuisine is good.
waiting for your chicken with dilis isn't

riding horses on carousels is good.
riding horses on carousels when your too old for it is better
an instant decision to meet up and eat and do nothing is best.

summer registration was good.
summer heat isn't

chocolate kiss and shangri-la plaza are good.
getting from one to the other on a nasty cab isn't

rehearsals for subtext were good.
still being conscious of how i do it isn't

that leadership product for strains is good.
not doing my homework for it later isn't

karL is good.
and will get better

lisnin to horribly reported local news:
Our Inglis is poor 'cause of texting. wtf
i don't know about that but i'm pretty sure yours, madame, isn't good.
sortof readin Rand's The Fountainhead. thanks laura
feelin kinda hopeful

keep Reminding

each discussion i've been a part of keep reminding me of a thought:
i want to be a Globalist.

i still don't fully know what that means
but for now keepReminding














the pictures so far are stuff i made and are based on every day experiences. other reminders i will be sharing in the future will be based on these experiences too, personal mostly.

but you are welcome to share your reminders.

lisnin to U2's When I Look at the World. how apt
sortof readin lowney's heroic leadership for tomorrow's strains' leadership product team meeting
feelin kinda tired but happy

no Kidding

kids require energy. tons
maybe because they give generous amounts of energy too.

kids' parents? quite a different sort of energy they release.
now, children's parties [i really think] are good indicators of what parents really are. i mean, their true selves really come out in the open especially when it's an easter celebration where they actually have to pay for 200pesos [quite inexpensive considering how nice hyatt was] for each person they bring.

so reminder #1 for today is: when dealing with kids, you also deal with their parents.
and more often would i rather deal with kids than with parents who feel their child was unjustly not rewarded or with parents who feel other parents are cheating so that other kids bag the prize. no kidding

that is a good and specific example of reminder #2:
friedman's lexus and the olive tree conflict is everywhere. that "tension between the globalization system and ancient forces of culture, geography, tradition, and community" [friedman's website]
shit. i still have to fully digest it so i could explain it more simply.
it's just that i'm real amazed of its ubiquity

from the holy father greeting "Jesus has risen" in every language to that lovely dad reminding his daughter that he is the adult in that situation, that scavenger hunt.

i was sleepless, zero sleep.
i didn't know the party we're helping organize would be a poolside party under the intense heat of the summer sun but
i had fun
with kakki rolls pom rosanne and sari
dealing with little rich kids whose rich parents felt like their child deserved every prize in that party. i told pom i don't think i'd bring any of my kids to parties like these in the future.

i certainly do not want to be that kind of parent, rudely approaching the facilitator insisting that his child's answer to the question was acceptable.
but olive trees can be real strong.
so maybe i will be that kind of parent.

sure is creepy.
and Hot. no kidding

lisnin to One - U2.
sortof readin Subtext's script. must do homework for this play.
feelin kinda sleeeepy.

MALIGAYANG PASKO NG PAGKABUHAY!

the importance of Being

Earnest.
A Trivial Comedy for Serious People.

tihee. the play is funny. you can read it here on project gutenberg
[what i do is i copy it on ms word and save it as a pdf file. open it 2 pages at a time and it's like reading a real book] for free.

the first few parts of each act can get pretty boring but it really is funny. i wanna see it on stage.

i never [probably will never ever] thought being earnest was that important.

lisnin to Randeyvn's MissinYou. check out his site
sortof readin Thus Spoke Zarathusthra. and probably will get to finish 100 years of solitude after 9 months or so [sorry juno]
feelin kinda read-y and bookish

Tagged by pearl
Name ten of life's simple pleasures that you like most, then pick ten people to do the same. Try to be original and creative and not to use things that someone else has already used.

1 the scent of breakfast's maple syrup during dinnertime
2 short conversations with neighbors inside the elevator
3 old couples holding hands
4 revitalizing toners
5 waiting at the wings for your entrance in a show, a play, a musical, a ceremony
6 finishing an entire book at a bookstore without paying for it
7 smiling at people who think they're real busy
8 how the ladies wrap at wrap shop
9 making fun of old friends with old friends that new friends may not understand
0 looking back at the day's memories in bed, through a blog, with a friend before sleeping

today Thursday

yup, it was thursday, today, when it started.
past midnight after Million Dollar Baby i drank like i've never drank before.

just beer and a lot of talking 'til 4. the kind of drinking ibyang or nikki will never imagine me doing.
and i'm making a huge fuss about it because i'm surprisingly well.

no hangovers. no headaches.
even if i had to wake up 4 hours later for my first real breakfast in a long time.
i'd always treat lunch as breakfast. not today

you get real woozy but you know you ain't drunk.
and Million Dollar Baby is funny. so was Monster's Ball

and seeing how everyone behaves after dozens of beer.
drinking needs getting used to.

lisnin to What Is This Feeling? - Wicked
sortof readin "...three decades without sleep"
feelin kinda healthy.

tinker tinker

at my multiply



















and presenting Ron Mueck

"In Bed"

losing my

fan.
again. crap.

yesterday before meeting up with erika lady jed and eliel at greenhills.
i was at fully booked again. and was fully booked again. crap

catching up on old friends is never lousy. even if your plan for the evening is lousy.
must not lose fan.

lisnin to The Thin Red Line. pretty good
sortof readin Brian Greene's Fabric of the Cosmos. pretty good
feelin pretty good

Holy Bittersweet Week

sometimes you're better off doing things you don't understand.
like why you're eating ridiculously expensive strawberry cheesecake ice cream or watching a movie with amanda bynes in it.

and they're all almost always both good and bad. and you're better off not wasting time truly analyzing whether it's more good or more bad because at the end of the day, you look back, type about it, and say to yourself: good day good job.

bumped on kyla gabs and pom at shang today. after babysitting miggy whose parents had to fix some stuff for their bangkok trip. this holy week is real bittersweet.

much like today. you meet good people but you don't find the right size of slippers you want.
much like this week. Jesus dies then it's Easter. wrote about it a year ago, about Black Saturday specifically and how that day is doomed to awkwardness.
much like every other day.
every day.
is a beautiful symphony. bittersweet. but at the end of day, you ought to smile.
and be holy

lisnin to Verve Pipe's Bittersweet Symphony. [mtv is playing songs from my old school playlist in my old laptop back in cebu: coldplay to verve pipe to ben folds five to goo goo dolls to fuel] spookily similar, dang i miss that laptop.
sortof readin Jose Rizal's The Indolence of Filipinos. you can download it from project gutenberg
it is eerily similar to what we see now and how we explain things in the country.
feelin kinda proud. in an almost annoyingly arrogant fashion.

p.s. check out Daniel Powter's Bad Day good chorus. good video. youtube's real reliable and judas himself could make good use of the song [and the website].

p.s.s is judas in heaven or in hell or neither?

beauty and the Beach

i cut it short than planned but i'm glad i went.

the beach was beautiful.
resting at the hammock
at 2am
with the sound of waves
under an unusually starry sky
was just what i needed.

it's not boracay but it fills a different sort of void.

but summer and breaks and vacations aren't just about rest.
it too is about recreation [see our theo group's Lauan University Center blog]

and so cutting it short wasn't so bad.
each day, i recreate. and it's usually beautiful

lisnin to Goodbye Love - Rent. letting go is a topic that keeps on resurfacing lately. right geegee?
sortof readin Blink. unusually quicker than normal
feelin kinda satisfied

and So it is

awfully long day.
and i was complaining, a couple of times

but the river don't, the river won't flow for me
Songs for a New World was album of the week last week.
so much so that every time i listen to it, i see feel baguio cavite.

yesterday
we started rehearsals for subtext.
quite embarassing my actions were.
horrible. must do homework

today
i've been reading a good number of e-books.
and found a site that helps readers decide what book to read next:
What Should I Read Next?
people really can think of the smartest ideas.

and i've been to and fro megamall
and this family celebration.
skipped mark and chong's dinner treat for us mea csr people at greenbelt.

tomorrow
we hit the beach.
i think.
either that or
we hit targets at camp crame for this open shootfest.
i think.

i still am not sure and it's almost midnight, i must decide. sorry kakki
i can be very indecisive at times. at times, i choose [decide] to be indecisive
whatever

lisnin to She Cries
sortof readin my del.icio.us page. do make one yourself
feelin kinda discontented. yawn

summer Loving

and
it's really hot.
let's all make good use of it.

a good school year is fast approaching and i'm real excited.
so much to do
so much to see

much to learn










so much more to learn

Thaksin steps down

fr. ben was right. thailand has a king and we don't.
we don't need a king. we need some one we all trust.
thailand has a king who's celebrating his 60th in the throne.
we don't.

no one even close or regal enough. no one yet.
good luck.

it's funny cause a few weeks ago ms gandhi stepped down too.
i know a good number of my friends want little gloria in malacañang.
i don't.
good luck.

lisnin to This Is the Hour - Miss Saigon
sortof readin Ateneo Lex's Balik-Laya Jail and Prison Service Program. [the problem with spreading yourself thin is that it requires more and more spread to spread so it's not too thin, the question is how do you keep the jar full of spread to spread]
feelin kinda warm. almost uncomfortably

personal Anthem

Our body is betraying us, for the Council of the Home looks with
suspicion upon us. It is not good to feel too much joy nor to be
glad that our body lives. For we matter not and it must not
matter to us whether we live or die, which is to be as our
brothers will it. But we, Equality 7-2521, are glad to be living.
If this is a vice, then we wish no virtue. [Chapter Two]

Ayn Rand wrote this story of Equality 7-2521. she calls it Anthem and is representative of her philosophy of Rational Self-Interest. something i've been stressing the past two formsems with sanggu and bluerep. laura wondered if i got it from rand, i said i have yet to read her stuff. and so i started with her only book in project gutenberg's database. i'll borrow The Fountainhead from laura tomorrow. Anthem is beautiful.

We sat still and we held our breath. For our face and our body
were beautiful. Our face was not like the faces of our brothers,
for we felt no pity when we looked upon it. Our body was not like
the bodies of our brothers, for our limbs were straight and thin
and hard and strong. And we thought that we could trust this
being who looked upon us from the stream, and that we had nothing
to fear from this being. [Chapter Eight]

throughout the ebook, we is noticeably used to refer the narrator [at times disturbing]. and i think it worked. especially when in chapter eleven it would narrate a transformation from we to i.

I am. I think. I will. [Chapter Eleven]
i thought it was profound.
and though i do not totally agree with ayn rand for hers is an extreme thought of egoism, she creates a picture of a possible future if we all think as men-for-others always. let us not forget ourselves. let us not lose ourselves. for it is in the individual we first seek to transcend.

individuals, too, was an underlying subject of the constant gardener. a movie that can be boring and quick at the same time. at times hopeless, at times beautiful. but at the end of the day, ralph fiennes' character solved not africa's problems, but his.

and so the movie ain't that tragic. what of me? i seek to solve beyond my own problems. how will my movie end. i do not know but i like how ayn rand put it:

i am. i think. i will.

lisnin to koko krunch! my appetizer for tonight
sortof readin steve's poems
feelin kinda hungry.

life's an apartment for Rent

leo was right, Rent can make you cry. i didn't, but the story's ending so moved me. the movie was still better than just listening to the soundtrack but i know it's way better on stage. i better catch it on stage. because what i think was wrong with the movie was that it didn't seem real at the seams, transitions from scene to scene felt weird and stupid. that the characters were walking around new york most of the time didn't help either.

catched it earlier at greenbelt with krikri, ynna and pao. all good people and two of them are having a taste of corporate manila tomorrow. pao, meanwhile, will be working with some of us in sanggu for certain procedures for next year's sectorals, also tomorrow.

but let's say there is no future, there is no past for a moment and talk about
today.
today i felt real fortunate walking around shang with songs from musicals on the background being sung by trumpets talents including red.
today i realized i could die anytime and not worry about it.
today i had chinese cuisine both for lunch and dinner with yang chow rice on both meals.
today i found out i still could learn new things from management consultants no matter how stupid their english could be like firefighting or coevolving through harvard business review paperbacks.
today i tried letting go and am slowly accepting the fact that i should do so more often.
today i confirmed i like jack johnson's music and his banana pancakes is good. so is bonnie bailey's long-heard-of ever after.
today i looked at the temporary-ness of things. the very word rent implies it. so does the movie.eisenhardt and galunic's idea of co-evolving requires it.
today was about today

and that every today is for lease. for rent.

lisnin to Rent's Tango Maureen. mark cohen is now on my list of dream characters to portray. the opposite of war isn't peace, it's creation.
sortof readin filemon mamon for this summer's hope reading program.
feelin kinda ready

folly-tics 101

HAPPY APRIL FOOLS' DAY

Lord, what fools these mortals be. -Puck

us, mortals. we tend to do the craziest things. it's all cool because i've had my share of such- from feeding sundot kulangot to dwellers of baguio's burnham park to playing modified pictionary at enzo's beautiful ranch. i realize that making a fool out of myself is a good part of what i do, from musical theater to standing up for the mushy and real. and that making a fool out of one's self requires a good amount of many things. be it for sanggunian, for bluerep, for people who don't give a fuck.

because

at the end of the day, what starts as something primarly for one's self becomes something that uniquely contributes to a community and to a nation and to a world in dire need of good contributions.

establishing the latter is the challenge. of one community and of one nation and of one world, the organizers from osa and the jesuits in mirador and everyone else who sought to share to me their insight are all directly and indirectly ask me to establish this need. this need of having one community and of one nation and of one world.

i like how one circulating e-mail responded to another e-mail which mentioned that he doesn't give a fuck on who sits in our malacañang. the response was neat: please do give a fuck 'cause it's always best to know who is fucking you.

keeping the message and the solutions as neat as that is the challenge. i look back at the events that happened last week and the people i have encountered and i suddenly miss the feeling of their being around because as much as i am one of the most hopeful people in the world, the challenge always slaps you in the face telling you that whatever you do will not work. the challenge is scary and intimidating.

but i hope against hope. no matter how foolish it would be. because hoping against hope is human nature. and so is making fools out of ourselves.

lisnin to Jack Johnson's Banana Pancakes
sortof readin RockEd Philippines: Rocking society through education. and notes from the past few weeks for next few weeks
feelin kinda set. NO MORE EXCUSES, PHILIPPINES.