today I said No

one of the most beautiful things theater has taught me was the
say yes and accept rule.

it's the best way to contribute to a scene and actually tell the story.
well, today i said No to a lot of things.

maybe cause either yes or no hurts.
today it still does.

and the seemingly watery messages of these words are here before you because they're ultimately for me.
not to express, not to communicate, not to make you understand

but to throw. hoping that it gets thrown back.
aware that even if it wouldn't, it'd be fine.

i guess 'cause i could say No again.
now how cool and powerful is that?

lisnin to people leaving the library
sortof readin war against the americans IN CEBU! woohoo
feelin kinda tired and achy and yes miggy, we have lots to talk about.

my third cut for finance and philosophy but the smiles of those poveda sophomores [i'm not saying they smiled 'cause of my talk] sure proved they're so much life out there. out there meaning in places i've never been to. poveda being one of them and thus the reason why i got lost this afternoon.

the point? it's not the Yes or the No that matters. always, it's the why. but the whys are boring so today i said no

An Open Letter to Sorry

Dear Sorry,

I have abused you. I seek not for forgiveness but for an opportunity to be heard, something I never totally allowed myself to do.

You see, I use you. And though at times you alone, with no one else, are most appropriate, I cannot help but wonder 'cause I decided with reasons I conjured. Unsure is the term. A term that always defines the situations wherein I used you. Reassurance, perhaps, is what these situations need. But reassurance I too can conjure.

In a kalibutan [Bisaya for consciousness and universe and thus from Manny Dy: walay kalibutan kung walay kalibutan] where stuff I conjure exist as believably, so convincingly as stuff others conjure, you seem to help.

You see, I use you not only because you may define me but also because you have grown to mean so many without even trying to. You make mistakes, goodbyes, failures easier to bare. That they're less burdensome may run counter to the whole point of committing mistakes, goodbyes, failures, which is to slap you in the face so it leaves a handprint, but I could only carry so much. Using you more than necessary is my stupid way of easing the burden.

But this letter is proof that it has not eased any. Yet I remain happy for you remain open to being used. You deserve Thanks. Thanks too I've used often, abused even. You two share common experiences with me and I am happy.

I know you're Sorry but I'm sorry too.

Sincerely,

Thanks.

Sprikitik Fried Itik

-actual signage near Pateros

brand equity, brand strategy and positioning, brand portfolios, plenty more others
these terms, that my fellow strainers would love to call jargon and that my fellow aims delegates were bombarded with earlier, have in fact originated from concepts that have proven to become convenient, not necessarily
true, good or beautiful
but most often useful nonetheless.

i just find it weird, which is what paradoxes always are, that terms we originally created to aid communication almost always become barriers to communication. terms that are brands in their own right.

term equity, term strategy and positioning, term portfolios, plenty more others.
notice how it always is so easy to disregard the applicability of a concept to another situation. idea leverage, those why not? authors called it.
the solutions are there, we just do not know which problems need them.

solutions like
marketing seminars filled with case studies
open auditions filled with eager people
music rehearsals filled with original scores
photoshoots filled with interesting objects
drinking sprees filled with juice

and problems like
5am to 7am sleeping schedules

lisnin to My Love, again.
sortof readin Buber on the interhuman
feelin kinda awake, surprisingly so

stressful kissing

you know how Snakes in a Plane was really about snakes in a plane, well this one's not pretty similar

because
the easiest way to dismiss why bother
is to turn around and do something else

what's hard to accept is
that we welcome, love and need to be bothered

and that gives me a lot less reason to cry
despite painful kisses

because
yes, it better be bothersome.

lisnin to My Love - Justin Timberlake, thanks uana
sortof readin lichauco on u.s neocolonialism
feelin kinda bothered. fathered. mothered. sistered. how do you brush your teeth

I

and sometimes that's all you need to know.


and i know no woman that could take your spot
-Justin Timberlake's My Love

i'm the winner, haha -miggy, age 3

by now, you probably know he'd won and it'd probably be tomorrow's headlines.
but i was particularly careful not to blurt it out at the grocery by the village. especially that blurting it out is worth at least a scoop of ice cream according to aaron.

but the grocery people were asking each other if what they were hearing was true. and i could not resist. and i was the bearer of good news. and suddenly i and the guy who handed me a numbered card for my umbrella and the guy in blue and white security uniform and the girl who wasn't so sure of the price of ice cream and the old lady buying chips all had something in common.

my titos were complaining about how mr. villoria played it. it just didn't seem like he was giving all he got, according to them. and remember how similar how some ateneans spoke of the blue eagles and how some people spoke of mr. pacquaio- that they give all they've got and that's why we rally behind them and that's why we don't rally behind those who don't.

well i don't think so.
some people were disappoined of the game and i think it's fine, mature.

congratulations.

lisnin to bond on cnn
sortof readin history and philo readings
feelin kinda happy. some people are so beautiful.

complaining for complaining's sake

i'm this [forefinger 1cm from thumb] close to filling out concern/complaint forms regarding my uber-boring teachers. i am doing everything i can just to get through finance then philosophy then history then organizational behavior [all in one sweep] awake and learned.

i mean, screw it if they're the best in the field. if they can't keep their students awake they shouldn't be teaching. but i must say goojob i've made it alive considering yesterday was zero sleep day. and yes, i had my first cuts in philosophy and finance and theology already. boo

kudos to people who don't prioritize perfect attendance and a 4.00 gpa. we're learning to learn. they ain't bad goals, not at all. they're just not mine. wahehe

or maybe i'm just kissing my ass too much
mwah

lisnin to Diamond in Da Ruff- Jaheim
sortof readin End of History and the Last Man
feelin kinda loved. except during history class when ms. teacher just had to transfer me to a seat farthest from ms. watsup. more reason to sleep

it's just Emotions

and by no means is just a put-down

and you know how you feel like you have the best family in the world and you say to yourself that you are entitled to such an award because you are absolutely sure no one else in the world has successfully been through exactly what you all just did and how each one managed to contribute to it magnificently?

and you know how certain somethings manage to encapsulate the past three or so years of your life and you say to yourself good job on coming up with that certain something and you realize that certain something is all teary-eyed?

and you know how the very attempt of sharing the most personal of emotions can be so hard?

today, my family is the best in the world.
and today, that letter was this certain something.
and today, emotions are powerful.

just like how it always has been.
and is a beautiful word

lisnin to Special - Elijah Henry. mmm Pandora
sortof readin The End of History and the Last Man
feelin kinda relieved.

i'm with stupid

you know you're stupid when

1 you don't feel so good when no one cares for you in the evening but when some one does, you find it annoying
2 your jaws hurt thanks to laughing at, apparently, everything during rehearsals
3 you spend so little time deciding and so much time on the consequences of your decision
4 you talk to yourself about peanut butter and cheese
5 you double book thinking you could do it and knowing you just did you double book again
6 you realize 6 is quite a lot already but there are so freaking many more instances of stupidity

and it's the good kind of stupid. the useful kind.
useless stupidity is just plain annoying and well, useless.

we should all be more stupid every now and then.
and make the world pretty.

lisnin to utter silence
sortof readin gmail
feelin kinda stupid.

there's so much love to give
only so few lovers to give it to

why not everyone?
'cause all is just too small

a few is just right.

farce away

today is my first rehearsing for this ENTABLADO musical i'm a part of and we were able to finish blocking for a couple of scenes.

and it was all farce. good farce. the kind that made me laugh almost all the time that even in the middle of the scene sir tenorio would throw tawa 'to ng tawa at me.
what with all the really funny people you're working with...

...you are bound to laugh at good old farce.
but you can't just farce away.

and here i am turning this rehearsal into something similar to this movie sanggu watched last night. clint eastwood's flags of our fathers showed how everything's just farcical.

and sometimes it's not so funny. but it's fun
doing things
without really knowing why

like convincing people to fill out a survey form with their email addies and numbers

and sometimes it's not so funny.
but we laugh anyway. wahehehe

lisnin to Mario's Let Me Love You
sortof readin SocInv Summit stuff
feelin kinda sleeeeepy. a 30min nap after reg2vote-ing earlier was all i got so far for the past 2 days. bed, here i come.
hardy har har

acquired Taste

a preference that is only acquired after considerable experience; "martinis are an acquired taste" -princeton.edu

it also is one of those things that make living not so easy to understand. not that understanding living is the way to go, it's just that the more we understand living, the more time we have for other parts of living that we still do not understand.

you see, when is taste merely acquired and when is it not. or is there really taste that you do not acquire at all, but is programmed as soon as you the spermatozoa made sense out of the stampede in your mom's uterus.

'cause there really are "tastes" that you previously hate but after some time you grow to love. like this pinoy band's song over the cab minutes ago saying:

akala ko may akalang hindi mali
now, how the hell do you translate akala. in it's fullest sense
every akala makes sense.
everything that makes sense is acquired.

now really?

lisnin to that arigato song.
sortof readin The End of History. thanks wen
feelin kinda pressed.

admiration dies

of the three, wonder is the easiest to do
and the quickest to fade

it's easy to impress people, to keep them impressed is the toughest. why go around impressing people? 'cause it's convenient.

and The Prestige would remind you that
the secret impresses no one.
the trick you use it for is everything.

i always admire how moviemakers never run out of good movies to make.

lisnin to some 90s song... i saw the sign...
sortof readin parts of Blink again
feelin kinda mellow.

questions aren't meant to be answered

so why ask?
'cause it's a whole lot of fun if you do.

and it's always healthy to ask.
about ferreros and glaze
about feeling strangely fine

and sometimes it's so neat to discuss if-onlys at two in the morning at some mcdo with a lady stranger staring at you only to realize after leaving mcdo she wasn't a stranger at all. boo

it's also at two in the morning that security guards are really nice and friendly and helpful. unlike cab drivers, whose idea of help is charging you miles more and using the bar you just hopped into as the reason.

so what does karL do? he walks around for blocks and blocks. checks if he's drunk and after convincing he isn't, walks some more. only to find himself really near the original mcdo a city away. walking at four in the morning.

you end it with a great tasting tetra-packed great taste caffe latte at your friendly neighborhood 7-11. thank you starbucks for closing in on me. and to the friend who failed to wake up.

fort bonifacio and i have a sweet sweet secret to keep.

lisnin to Save Room, again.
sortof readin The Other Path, again.
feelin kinda excited and weird.