may I just say...

that God loves me.
seriously.







no, i mean, seriously.

storyselling

it was not one of the shortest rides to makati and it was not one of the shortest conversations with a cab driver. it was a mix of his personal eyewitness accounts of how politicians play the game, of makati people parading around for their makati candidate, of bumper to bumper moments--with some chev actually bumping the back of the cab i was in.

i was late for some awarding at merck's and got this text that we won, goojob. what's interesting was orange&lemons played some beatles music. what's more interesting is the food i wasted my money on and the drinks i did not waste my money on and that side of makati, that random follow-where-your-feet-feels-like-walking side of makati i did not waste my time on, your i-thought-you-were-mad-at-me moment i did not waste my time on.

there are days when the stories we sell actually get sold.
today it was worth 50 000. not bad

and may i still get to make slideshow presentations in cabs even if the presentation has to be pulled off as soon as the cab ride ends.

lisnin to the last song in my head. that magkayakap sa dilim song
sortof readin mcsweeney's. again
feelin kinda prayerful

come, back, score

i never thought i'd admit this to myself but i'm actually compartmentalizing.
worse, i'm having different moral ethical whatnot reasonings for each compartment. pretty convenient

so far.

it'd get back at me soon and maybe tomorrow, i slap myself so much i realize i should be fixing myself up. i thought i hated waiting, apparently i do it all the time.

what helps is that sometimes i get to mix it with a good book or a good glass of champagne or a good movie with a brilliant score entitled The Holiday. thanks abbi for the dvd. days are a lot easier when it's all good vibes.

I want to pee right now.

but i like this sorta philo conversation with my brother right now too so the peeing can wait.

i was asked earlier why amid all the multi-tasking i never freak out. i did not have a good answer. it was the usual "the usual" as reply. maybe compartmentalizing is the better answer. but i'd rather not be its advocate right now. "a week at a time" or "we do what we can" sounds a lot better and more open to interpretation.

my latest [meaning a month ago, sadly] reminder in keepReminding is this:
















and i just realized that forgetting ain't always bad. that sometimes we're better off
forgetting, we're better off forgotten.

it makes the reminding all the more special and the re-reminding a fucking good time. we come back and compartmentalize, for the mean time. whatever it means.

and how's that as an excuse to all the names and faces i do not remember.
today it was a record 6 people i called by a different name.

lisnin to thoughts
sortof readin thoughts
feelin kinda thoughtless

i will forever remember that death is a condition of freedom.

sir manny dy, forgive me. i had a blast though. philosophy is love.

and finding nemo the musical

waiting for Not Lazy

this, by far, is the laziest saturday i ever had in the longest time. and it's not 'cause i shouldn't be doing anything.

i should be writing about a certain point in philippine history
i should be drafting sketches for an installation
i should be reading Levinas and this phenomenology of face
i should be organizing my notes on the theology of marriage
i should be preparing slides for our org behavior presentation
i should be designing invites for my cousin's baptism
i should be replacing this Grey's Anatomy DVD 'cause it's incomplete
i should be shopping for toiletries and some socks
i should be reviewing some financial reports
i should be outlining some books on leadership, ingenuity, whatnot
i should be photocopying notes on the labor code
i should be taking down notecards for my philosophy orals
i should be discussing an ad campaign with contest-mates
i should be making diagrams for some protocols
i should be recalling everything i should be doing

but no.
i'm basking in the glory of pulling off a business pitch even if the entire presentation was conceived of just a few hours ago, mostly on the cab ride to the office building. i had a great time eliel, jed. i honestly wouldn't mind if that agribusiness group wins.

i remember suggesting to a group of discerning individuals to take it a week at a time, prioritize a week at a time. you notice there are certain weeks where the point wherein you just feel like waiting suddenly is so, um, prevalent. that gap between doing something and doing another something. and how that gap gets wider and wider...

...as i type.

lisnin to Please Baby Don't - John Legend
sortof readin Pag-aabang...
feelin kinda hungry. gotta grab some

some ads from moronland.net























for ariel white. and this really good one for wonderbra

profound is such a profound word

we say a lot of words every day and more often than not, we come across with a word
a phrase
a sentence
a paragraph
a story
an anthology
a thought

that stops us in our tracks, assuming we had any.
we pause for a moment maybe because not pausing makes us a lot less interesting.

interesting because we realize that in the seemingly weak act of pausing we end up exercising our power, assuming we have any, over the moment
the word
the phrase
the sentence
the paragraph
the story
the anthology
the thought

and then suddenly,
we aren't so small
we aren't so unimportant
we aren't so unloved.

only to wake up and smile 'cause
we never were.

lisnin to dustin's tv show commentary
sortof readin Person and Being
feelin kinda anxious of my ice cream.

repetitio

girlie texts a note from paolo coelho:

repeated experiences have but one aim: to teach you what you do not want to learn.
-Warrior of the Light

i smile.

Jose is my Hero

nothing like smooth-tasting tequila to cap the school year and the thought that your friends on another part of batangas are partying as well.

while some strainers were in tagaytay, some sanggu people were in punta fuego.
puta fuego. it was a blast.
thank you pepi.

and i mean screw-having-to-take-a-long-test-i-have-a-great-chance-of-failing blast. final finance long test just finished a few hours ago. fingers crossed of course and chris was our proctor so it helped having the mr. chris ho around.

but the weekend was a lot like 300 the movie, you're better off not talking about it too much or you'll just spoil the seizing of the moment. trip home was quiet but we got to see cabrei pee in a men's room so it was still as eventful.

lisnin to My Boo
sortof readin Pilosopo Tasyo
feelin kinda tired of crossing fingers.

wait i think i like that. i'll think about it soon.

chance no. 2

you know you're blessed when your life is undoubtedly littered with so many second chances

you know you're stupid when you often find yourself wishing and hoping and praying and cajoling for second chances.

so yes, i'm blessed and stupid.
but so far it'd seem like it's the useful kind of stupid.
which is good.
and this urge to study, wow. it's actually um, around.
and it ain't that overwhelming all along, just right.

lisnin to A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
sortof readin Clarke, S.J.
feelin kinda all-massaged up.

turn of lights

sun's up.
it better be.
it's his turn.

we dive.
sand is teasing.

but first the lights.
on.
'til past 2.

seniors teasing.

nice and slow nice

specialty bookstores are specially good at slowing me down.

found myself skimming books at fully booked at power plant after our last adukasyon session which ended with a great, pat-yourself-at-the-back session on advocacy advertising with ms. yolly ong of campaigns & grey, which is the agency that would help pinoy bantay bayan out in the coming campaign for a good elections 2007, which was what our committee on social concern and involvement hope for which is comprised of lizzie, ging and luis who met for lunch and 300 at rockwell just so all four us could get together one last time.

that's a lot of whiches but what i really wanted to share was what i found at fully booked--rhythms del mundo, a compilation of latin-ed songs like clocks by coldplay or that still-haven't-found-what-i'm-looking for song by U2, which thanks to youtube is here:


after a few hours, it won't be as slow again and knowing that makes going slow then going fast then going slow again so nice.
slow nice.

yup karl, whatever.

lisnin to Michael Fajatin's bloopers
sortof readin A tale of two countries. on globalization and protectionism.
feelin kinda nice

folly-ticking

i'm in the middle of a strains drinking session right now but i just am so bothered by this response to Mr. Harvey Keh's Open Letter by a fellow SciHi alumni calling it a "sophomoric diatribe" that i just had to react.

and so i replied:
"...and so the task, i guess, is to figure out a way to repackage, re-communicate, re-express this idealistic i-can-we-can-change-the-world mindset. Especially 'cause i still think it's a kind of mindset we still need thanks to...the harsh realities we face...."

we try
with debates where most senatoriables wouldn't show up
with parallel quick counts that get too easily tainted with controversy
with drinking sessions that discuss the root of folly-tics
with smiles
with prayers
with hope

knowing that the "messianic" may come off as "condescending" and that the "idealistic" may come of as "unthinking fanatics" who belong to an "Ateneo/Keh fan club"

where's the sophomoric diatribe now?

and sadly that aint the question we ought to ask.
it's the question we ought to forget
'cause there are a whole range of questions we are better off talking about

lisnin to not-so-drunk chatter
sortof readin Pag-aabang sa Kundiman
feelin kinda uneasy

...o ng paghahanap ng mamahalin at paniniwalaan sa harap ng takot na magurlisan ang dibdib ng mga kawalang-tiyakan. Ngunit sabihin mo, paano ako masusugatan sa anumang pag-ibig o pananalig kung bago pa man ang lahat, maging langit, ay una ko nang binibitiwan ang paalam?

that is Ateneo's Filipino Teacher Edgar C. Samar proving how beautiful our language is.
ima finish his anthology of poems real soon, thanks sir ariel.

i fail good

damn.
there are deadlines you don't meet, promises you don't deliver, meetings you come in late to

and each time, a part of you screams at yourself wondering why you never learn hoping you learn after and making sure that you make this oh-so-down moment as down-y as it could so it's a lot harder to forget, a lot easier to learn, a lot more worth the crap you're going through.

then you move on.
life suddenly aint so hard.

and every time you start a sentence with life you think twice and reconsider.
then you smile.

damn.

lisnin to Chicken Invaders in sanggu
sortof readin Chris Lowney
feelin kinda whoa-rried

Now What?

the worst thing about having so many stuff to talk about is that you end up not talking about anything. like seriously.

eventful now has a new meaning and this week is one of those record holders. you wonder if weeks can get too eventful and here they are happening right before you.

so to those of us who are happy and overwhelmed and indecisive because of the so many beautiful desires to choose from, let's stay happy 'cause they really are beautiful. so beautiful. and you reach a point in your life when you conclude that each living day, the goal is

to stay happy

and to bring as many people as you can to that state. that state where the saddest things, the most tear-worthy memories, the most depressing of moments, the i'd-rather-be-dead-than-deal-with-this-bullshit instances are all still stuff to be happy about, to smile for, to look forward to.

my simplest yet [at least tonight] most profound answer to now what

stay happy.
and always with the reminder that happiness isn't only for the good things

What? with a capital W

i've bumped on two vehicle's ceilings already and it's still 830 in the morning. and again, i am not in my finance class. God, i'm sorry for pushing it. and you know the lengthy alibis that would go after this.

anyway,
jb shared his memories of melancholy whores, hehe
not his but a book by gabriel garcia marquez which is absolutely funny. you read that side by side the giver and you appreciate how the being finite of books underscores the never-ending-ness of discovery and wonder and appreciating.

hoping you don't get too overwhelmed in the process.

lisnin to Corinne Bailey Rae
sortof readin Marquez
feelin kinda worried with a capital W