all is well and loving it

it will be a week before i'll be by this desk again.

sanggu formsem [baguio]
bluerep evsem-formsem [cavite]
strains evsem [hoping against hope that i'd get to drop by rizal for this one]

it will be a blast.

tito jun and tito nonong, then a few hours nanay, my lola. they all arrived from different parts for tatay, my lolo, whose death anniversary we celebrate today.
yes, today. yesterday was his birthday. today is his deathday. we love the guy

watched crash again, 3rd time. still goood.

lisnin to Agua de Beber
sortof readin sanggu's code of financial procedures
feelin kinda excited

Crash

is beautiful.


















truly.

I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something.

India's Sonia Gandhi resigns from parliament

so she resigns. but i don't think she's giving up.
if only gloria thought so too.
that she need not be in office just to contribute to everyone's growth.
the latte class need not wear black shirts in starbucks as a form of protest. coffee coup they call it. or a flash mob, says pcij.
i need not write about her...

...because stocks are a-rising and the peso is a-strengthening and all this it's-not-that-we're-poor-it's-just-that-we-don't-slice-the-pie-equally shit makes more sense than senators bashing each other or metrowalk owners killing each other.
there is much more to know of the world. seriously [but seriously on a happy note].

today was nice. good food. good movies. good law exam. good conversations about highschool. about college. about vacations.
typical day. yes, nice is typical for me. and nice is almost always good enough.

but kuya miguel of lauan reminded us of vacations as a time for rest and recreation. emphasis on recreation, he said. to recreate ourselves and make sure we undergo excursions [ex meaning out, curso meaning course, excursions meaning out of course]. do something special as sondheim would put it.

so if nice is normal, going out of course would mean having an un-nice day or a nice-rer day. that's the challenge, i guess. a reminder that leaders ought to comfort the afflicted and afflict the comforted, as kuya tatot would put it.

even if it means having to swallow something and resign.

lisnin to Crash's opening sequence. let's see if it's better than capote
sortof readin quantum computing.
feelin kinda blessed. and very much challenged to share it

that's Hat

goodness gracious great balls of fire!
ANDREI! ARAM! REG! POLA! SWEET CHARITY PEOPLE!

IT'S BALAKE!


















tihee.
[taken from alexa's blog, blue revue's cast party last year around halloween time]
some of these people are a-partying tonight at macky's. i'll try to drop by.
for tonight sophomore year is officially done!

my busiest most productive most enriching most insightful school year so far.
and it only will get better.

and yes, philip seymour hoffman deserves that oscar. in cold blood

lisnin to Facade - Jekyll and Hyde. song's not bad at all
sortof readin section 6 of the corporation code of the philippines
feelin kinda hungry. me want cookie

I Wonder

Robert Wright's Nonzero ends with:

Maybe, in the end, this is the best argument for higher purpose: that the history of life on earth is too good a story not to have been written. But, whether or not you believe the story indeed has a cosmic author, one thing seems clear: it is our story. As its lead characters, we can’t escape its implications.

and that's why i love to tell the story!
and that's why i am sortof ready for today's theology121 final exam.

lisnin to Avenue Q - For Now
sortof readin Prelection and Repition for theo121
feelin kinda gooood.

opportunity Cost

one idea why i'd rather be an economist than an accountant.
opportunity cost.
you take good note of implicit costs, not just when money is involved.

time. energy. business opportunity. reading opportunity. rest. stage opportunity. pleasure. energy. self. what you should've woud've could've. blog. time.

but people are accountants sometimes. they forget. we forget. once we do, we are like flies, beautifully illustrated by steve's poem

Flies
i hate flies that buzz and bother you
which is to say i hate all flies
especially those that prey on flesh
which is to say all of them
but moreso those who delude themselves
into the belief that they are more
than flies, and those -
those, i would love to crush
with a flyswat

but of course you don't say that to them. they might fall into the belief that they are deluding themselves, which can be difficult to erase. and remember that people aren't always flies. plus, hate is too strong a word. well, not really but yeah

now the idea, opportunity cost, helps me avoid regrets. always, opportunity cost [things i'll get if i didn't do this] equals present benefits [things i get for doing this]. and that is why, i think, economists always say "on the other hand...", they hardly are straightforward. at the end of day, and [almost always] also throughout the day, i'm happy.

happy i saw proof last night. good play. good film.
happy i auditioned for koine's subtext. so layered. a tough challenge, can be mushy
happy i am cleaning my bathroom. so layered. a tough challenge. no maid for today
happy i am about to eat dinner even if it's close to midnight.
happy i am "wasting" time pressing these keys.
happy i have calculus tomorrow. then theology. then law.
happy eco102 is done. loved the subject. disliked the teacher
happy for lui and aj. wear your memories you guys


















happy i'm not alone disliking certain people. tihee
happy for Latin the language

lisnin to No One Is Alone - Into the Woods
sortof readin The Evolution of Cooperation. axelrod makes game theory seem real simple. which is scary 'cause it may seem too simple. just realized it tends to be a problem of mine, oversimplifying. which is almost always coupled with my mind tuning itself to certain things and certain things alone. scary but tolerable
feelin kinda happy

"Try to figure out what’s wrong with the simplest explanations."

i thought it was not normal.
you know, that experience where you hear a strange word for the first time, and then soon afterward you hear the same word again. it's like hearing a word for the first time makes it appear everywhere.

dilbert's scott adams in God's Debris says it is normal:
"Your brain can only process a tiny portion of your environment. It risks being overwhelmed by the volume of information that bombards you every waking moment. Your brain compensates by filtering out the 99.9 percent of your environment that doesn’t matter to you. When you
took notice of the word fescue for the first time and rolled it around in your head, your mind tuned itself to the word. That’s why you heard it again so soon."

true.
what's more interesting of the book, the thought experiment, is that you're not expected to believe anything it shares. but it does make you think. and most of the time i think it's right- from the curious bees analogy to probability to idea-persons and something similar to my do-nothing thinking. you may download the e-book free from the Dilbert website or from the publisher.

and it explains everything so simply using what you already know. but then again it warns that "in this complicated world, the simplest explanation is usually dead wrong."

lisnin to King of the World - Songs for a New World
sortof readin Sickchased
feelin kinda ready for the final exams

V from Vendell

thank you pineds, kakki! greenhills with you guys is always a good idea
























let's just say you should seriously consider watching the movie.
take it from the guy who was told by two lovebirds to catch it after his last 3-hour accounting exam filled with neck pains and a migraine.

the day was hot but i was blessed with pats in the back for school and work and cost-volume-profit analysis and ice cream. it ended beautifully with beautiful people in beautiful greenhills

internal rate of returns were never this high

lisnin to Sway - Pussycat Dolls
sortof readin This Vicious Cabaret
feelin kinda vivacious. well, not really, my neck still hurts. but it starts with V. so there

studying Lauan

Studying Lauan

i'm Limited

i've always had this ability to shut some people up. which is not always good. so i grew up not being reminded of the most basic human needs- to eat, sleep, rest. my friends always thought if i could do other things then there's no point reminding me of the seemingly trivial

but not lately- friends who know and see and thoughtfully remind me that i'm limited. old friends and new friends and good friends and family.

limited. that humans are finite. humans that naturally long for the infinite. humans that ask- only to ask some more. i share questions from pablo neruda's book of questions:

Tell me, is the rose naked or is that her only dress?
Dime, la rosa esta desnuda o solo tiene ese vestido?

Do tears not yet spilled wait in small lakes?
Las lagrimas que no se lloran esperan en pequeños lagos?

Or are they invisible rivers that run toward sadness?
O seran rios invisbles que corren hacia la tristeza?

Am I allowed to ask my book whether it's true I wrote it?
Puedo preguntar a mi libro si es verdad que yo lo escribi?

and 316 others in 74 poems by the poet himself. questions with no exact answers. wonders of our limited yet limitless mind. just beautiful

lisnin to Wicked's For Good.
sortof readin Goquiolay vs. Sycip on limited partnerships
feelin kinda loaded and satisfied

who can say if i've been changed for the better?

there is life Inside your apartment

part of the reason why i refused to be at the cast party at pearl's resort.

decided to stay home right after dropping my mom at the airport.
right after theology recollection this morning i decided to spend a good time with my mom and my uncle's family, a good way to close the past nights of catching up with how my mom is doing. it's been almost a year since i last was with her.

all good. a greater appreciation of that life
inside your home--

one's family. which i've been a part of far longer than my blueREP family [partying tonight as i type] and my strains family [especially that team that had a 6 hour thing last night] and all the other families i have been and i will be a part of

more than all the lives i've encountered and will encounter outside home, the lives inside it i hold dear and today's decisions make me feel better because it affirms that personal belief.

baristas may be grumpy or internet connections may be faulty or airports may be mismanaged or accounting papers may be tedious or waking me up may be hell, my family will forever treat me as family. and i treasure that

and so i'm home.
watched Brokeback Mountain. everyone has said everything about the movie already i think but what striked me the most was how everything came across as real. i should finish andre's copy of proulx's short story the movie was based from. that story with two sheepboys felt very real. no wonder an "anti-pornography" group filed a complaint against MTRCB for its decision on the movie, the sheer truthfulness [at least to me] can be very disturbing to other people who forever look at taboos as taboos

and as i wonder how much fun the whole cast is having right now, i rest with the fact that the day wasn't so bad. today and the many days prior [especially thursday] prove how very fortunate i am. thank You

lisnin to Inside the Actor's Studio with Antonio Banderas and realized i still have not seen Philadelphia.
sortof readin Pablo Neruda's book of questions. beautiful. just beautiful. i'll share my favorite questions here in a while
feelin kinda blessed

some like it haute

i sometimes laugh at the weirdest tastes
the weirdest wants
the weirdest decisions
























[from anotherposterforpeace]

but without forgetting the weirdness of my own taste
my own wants
my own decisions

which lately have been subject to strong influences that may make new paths for me than originally planned. all these influences are welcome, of course

but the sheer number is overwhelming and the pressure of having to decide as soon as one can doesn't help. it is not a problem, not at all. it's a welcome disturbance

let's just say i could use some brake fluid.
thank God for books movies songs chocolate musicals and the good company of dear friends and my brother on the other island. my mom will be here tom too

for keeping me sane
for keeping me weird
for keeping me

lisnin to My Fair Lady's The Rain in Spain
sortof readin the Economist's forecast for the Philippines' energy industry
feelin kinda hot

making Sense

i guess a good part of this week is making sure that whatever i do say sing dance choose makes sense. almost every week is

but when you stay in school past bedtime to better your telling a story or when you skip a reviewer class for a presentation on corruption or when you reply to an editorial about past mistakes or when you actually are in front of a very good audience or when you actually are discussing to a class something gradeschool teachers teach or when you fill out an application form for this org or that or when you defend yourself against accusations of distributing sex videos or when you're all gathered against a stupid proclamation of emergency or when ateneo lex gives you an award. all in one week

then it makes sense that it really is about making sure you are making sense.

even today, saturday, is full. two shows of Sweet Charity. one oral defense for LS10. one induction ball for sanggunian. one awarding ceremony slash party for lex. but one endures. without forgetting to pat one's back once in a while

an Avenue Q song was stuck in my head the whole morning when i was busy with that corruption presentation. it was that song recalling the singer's experience of cramming a final paper. i certainly was not suffering as much but i suddenly realized the song's title actually is "I Wish I Could Go Back to College" and so one wonders why one longs for parts of a something that are insignificant, if not painful and if one will ever say that line in the next few years.

and so one remembers what ms. chari shared right before Opening Night's show: it's up to you to make the simplest most seemingly insignificant moments count. or something like that. something about making each moment count. making sure each moment makes sense

but one also needs to remember that being senseless is at times good enough a proof that what you're doing makes sense. senseless sense-making

lisnin to Wicked's What is this Feeling?
sortof readin Pepping Up Pinoys: A study of the men's grooming products industry in the Philippines for LS10
feelin kinda fortunate.

subjective objective of an objective subject

My feedback e-mail to The Guidon on Ms. Florida's "Running out of space":

I apologize for my disappointing write-up and for wasting space. When I was thinking of running for the CB position, I did think of what I ought to do in case I get elected, concrete things. Sadly, "a feedback system beyond e-mails and e-groups" was all I could think of in the time of my writing for the Running Mate. Instituting "venues for dialogue" seems so vague too. As a Central Board Representative, it really is not enough.

What I could tell you now, though, is that lately I have been gathering information on ethnographic tools and other concrete means to make my representation of my batch of JG-SOM students more depictive of my batch's thoughts.

Also, Partido Agila did have a platform with concrete projects and plans, including activities for JG-SOM, which we circulated through e-mail and posters. The thing is, we failed to include it in the Running Mate. For these failures, I am sorry.

However, on the matter regarding apathy, I would like to share a different point of view. My write-up did not address that because I personally do not think it is an issue (although on this I am very much open to argument or discussion).

I do not think Ateneans are apathetic because I do believe Ateneans care, are concerned, and have personal opinions and emotions on all issues. To say that Ateneans are really apathetic is, for me, to say that you are and I am and every Atenean who picks up a copy of The Guidon is apathetic. I do not think so.A good number of us participate in our respective student organizations and activities (the data and statistical analysis on this I would like to seek through a comprehensive study that The Guidon may be interested to take part in), from the most selfish reasons to the awe-inspiring. But what about those who are not members or participants of these organizations?

I think it is not that they are apathetic, I do think all Ateneans care to do something aside from academics or sports or relationships (although these can be proof enough that Atenans do care for the school or for other significant things such as a good education).

I think the problem is that they don't feel the venues are good enough for them to do something about this concern I assume they have. Sanggu has to realize that a good number of its members are disenchanted, Ateneans who do care but don't think any student organization or any Sanggu activity is the proper venue for them to express their concerns.

The challenge is to reenchant and to inform every Atenean every possible venue where they can show their concern. To reenchant is why I really wanted to join what I thought months ago as a dull and boring Sanggunian. "Them, the Sanggu people" ought to be "we, the Sanggu people", including every single Atenean who really believes to be in the Ateneo.

Just how are we going to address the challenge? We go back to the first issue- concrete platforms. My apologies again and I commend your column for reaffirming that need for good running mates.

lisnin to N.E.R.D's Waiting For You
sortof readin Sticky Knowledge
feelin kinda empowered.