to be loved

they say the object of affection, of love is not important but it sure feels important when one is that object. it is totally reassuring and amazingly helpful to know that one is part of that beautiful reason others are alive. thank you ma and pa. you may not read this here but i have a feeling you eventually will.

you do not need to though.

escaler hall was loved yesterday too.
i remember joshua yesterday telling jedd that that was what karl said goodbye to m.e. for. and to a huge extent he is right. i missed making adjustments in the middle of the game,
i missed spontaneously reacting to a logistical miscalculation in the middle of the game,
i missed screaming at the top of my lungs without expecting i would,
i missed asking whether a person i shouted at was ok or mad at me,
i missed following up a beautiful yet totally unplanned option B C and D,
i missed seeing a crowd, a community who knew how and when and why and what to applaud themselves for

yes i missed seeing a bunch of unfamiliar people applaud together as one.
yesterday underscored why i missed it.
it just was so beautiful. in the mushiest, sappiest yet with every sense of the word.

i here repeat what i said to the bea gomez on ym:
minsan mahirap matukoy kung bakit natin ginagawa ang mga ginagawa natin pero yung nangyari kanina ay patunay na may dahilan

at isa siyang napakagandang dahilan.
the next few days will test whether we follow through

lisnin to Justin Timberlake Live at a Victoria's Secret Fashion Show
sortof readin Buklod Atenista
feelin kinda bold.