ramblings of an insecure mind

i was contemplating on my funny love life when all of a sudden the living asia channel flashes

if love finds you worthy, it will find your course.
crap, thanks a lot.

anyway...
there's a swiss navy billboard outside the condo and bright white light shines on it at night. i know for a fact that it's a black tarp but thanks to the white light it doesn't look black at all. so if doesn't look black is it still black? especially because color is defined by what our eyes see.

it still is black because i know that when there is no light it does look black so the tarp is in fact a black tarp. sadly, that assurance isn't always there everytime i doubt certain stuff.

like when they tell you just wait after college and you'll see the real world
what the fuck.
so i'm living an illusion all this time? that my idealist notions now won't hold out there because apparently out there is so different from in here? so what the fuck am i doing in here then? is this tarp really a black tarp?

no real answers yet but i'll share it when i do. for now allow me to feel insecure for a moment.
thank you

lisnin to the living asia in laoag
sortof readin questions for this saturday's focus group discussion with client
feelin kinda bla